Dissecting the Nice Guy

Girls don't want nice guys. They want guys who'll treat 'em like shit.

That's the basic summation of the Nice Guy Credo. This "message" is acutely relayed in a site  by someone Enyclopædia Dramatica dubs "the most butthurt nicefag of them all": The NiceGuy's American Women (Mostly) Suck Page.

In it, we find the lamentations of "NiceGuy" and his (admittedly crappy) dealings with women.

I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with this site.

You see, I consider myself to be a bit of a "nice guy". I've certainly encountered elements of what he describes in terms of dealing with women. I also find his sex-as-cartel theorem to be quite inspired. Also, it's hard not to have a bit of sympathy for someone who went through such a horrifying engagement. See: "Exhibit D: My Ex-Fiancée", "The Further Adventures of Lying P. Whorebag... (the 'P' is for 'Paranoid'.)" and "Endgame: How I Broke-Off My Engagement".

That said, what bugs me about his writings, was his frequent displays of hypocrisy and double standards.

"Kyste pilonidal , pilonidal cyst", Le site du Radiologue privé.

Let's start with his justification for listing the women he had sex with, in "I Still Remember the First Woman I Slept With":

This accounting of mine isn't because I have a ledger of conquests that I boast about to guy-friends: it's because that I've always been careful to store all of my sexual experiences in a special part of my memory.

Right. Ok. Is that why URLs to the articles covering his sexcapades refer to them as  "NumberOne", "NumberTwo", "NumberSix", "NumberSeven", etc.?

Getting back to the article at hand, here's what he had to say about wanting to dump the gal he lost his virginity to, because he didn't find her particularly attractive:

I mean, women regularly dump guys for extremely shallow and capricious reasons, so why aren't I justified in doing the same thing? Why should I be held to different standards? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. If a woman will reject me because I'm not good-looking enough, then why shouldn't I be expected to do the same?

Somewhat amusing, considering that the site's homepage notes

a woman believes in fairness and equality only when they benefit her. At any other time, those concepts barely enter her mind.

"NiceGuy" wasn't above venturing into darkness, himself, especially when he allowed his Jeykll-and-Hyde persona, "EvilGuy", to emerge.

Even though "NiceGuy" frequently ended his articles on a relevant quote, he seemed to have overlooked a rather obvious one:

"If you stare into the Abyss long enough the Abyss stares back at you." -- Friedrich Nietzsche.

In covering articles that discriminate against men, "Evil Guy" had this to say:

Hey girls: why not select a few of the statements above and substitute 'Jew' for 'men' or 'blacks' for 'men' and see how it sounds? Not too nice, hmm? Calling all blacks rapists or calling all Mexicans wife-beaters might qualify in most people's minds as FUCKING BIGOTRY, DOESN'T IT?!

Of course, it's from the same site with the following on its homepage:

I'm NiceGuy. Why did I make this site, if I'm Nice? Because: Ameriskanks (mostly) Suck*. ("Ameriskanks" means "North American females" obviously.) And yes, they're horrible beyond imagination. Don't shoot the messenger. It's actually a good thing for me to come out and say this- our biggest critics are our truest friends because they show us how to improve ourselves. In this case, I'm giving an entire gender the criticism it needs to improve itself.**

And this:

North American chicks are living examples of bait-and-switch fraud-- They try to convince you that you're getting a premium product but three days after you bring her home, a screw suddenly pops-loose and she starts to give-off a high-pitched snarl. And the only way to make this nonstop grating go-away is through constant maintenance. It's high-priced pussy, yet it's still not quite worth it.

And this, too:

From 2002 onwards, I'm bestowing my respect and kindness strictly on non-American women. Because the American ones do not deserve a single speck of respect or kindness at all.

His "NiceGuy" persona, as you can see, wasn't above uh, subtle racism. Here's a snippet from "I Appreciate the Effort But Please NO MORE Advice on how to get American Chicks. Pretty Please?":

And as far as American women are concerned, no more nice guy for them in any case. They neither want nor deserve someone who actively wants to benefit them. I'm NO LONGER an AFC for American chicks... mind you, not because I hope they'll find it a bigger turn-on, but because I think they deserve the most complete and abject regimen of harshness and disrespect that I could dish-out in ten lifetimes.

The revenge motif inherent in "EvilGuy" was somewhat off-balance with a criticism against women in "American Women are Sexist":

...women feel they need to get-even for whatever wrongs any males have done in the past! Women, incidentally, seem to be revenge champions. They enter the world thinking that their kind have been getting shafted for centuries... so from their point of view, there is no reason why they can't ram the shaft up your ass and twist it, for good measure.

It didn't certainly didn't stop him from screwing around with two single moms.

Yet, even "NiceGuy" was capable of such behaviour, as when he admitted to cheating on a girlfriend in Taiwan. His justification?

It was tough: I wanted to spend more time with Jianglin, but she worked long hours. Jeane was available to see me more often in the evenings. I can't excuse myself for what I did: I dated them both. I guess this was my way of compensating for lack of female attention in the U.S.

The sexual subtext of his overall dealings with women, was also commented on by his own gay brother, who reffered to "NiceGuy" as a "sexual Velociraptor."

His role as "Captain FreeTherapist" mades this more transparent. In describing his desire to help out a half-Mexican college student named Juanita, he wrote:

Like a moron, I thought that maybe if I became friends with her, maybe I could be introduced to one of her girlfriends? Or, best yet, perhaps if she decided to break-up with her boyfriend, maybe she'd consider... me?

I should point out, though, that there was a happy end to "NiceGuy"'s woes.

He got himself a girlfriend (from Japan) and married her, as Egghead notes on the site's homepage. Hooray!